That's what I learned this weekend after visiting the Panorama Racławicka (don't forget to pronounce that crazy l as a w and that w as a v), aptly named after the battle of Racławice. I was going to write out a report for you, but now I found the website to the museum you see here to the left. It's way better. Here's the link:
http://www.panoramaraclawicka.pl/en/what_to_see.html
That way we can get straight to the jokes. First of all, that website is perfect. You don't even have to go see this in person. It gives you all of the interesting information sans the really boring breakdown of the painting. Not to mention the website turns the painting into a magic trick. I.E. "The large painting (15x114m) 'transfers' the viewer into an altogether different time, a reality of its own, by artfully combining painterly devices (special kind of perspective) and technical effects (lighting, artificial terrain, dark and usually tortuous passage to the viewing platform)." Tortuous passage and technical effects? Poland, are you aware that you are Poland, and the only thing technical and tortuous about you is the insane/nonsensical way you manage yourself? I have to admit that I was excited to go to the Panorama. The Polish people are really proud of this and the name sounds bad-ass. In all seriousness, Panorama is more like a talented 4th grader's diorama that got stuck in the way of Rick Moranis's laser (the second machine), and since then has been scented by the sweet perfume of an old lady fart stuck in an armpit. I'm not even sure who the hell won the battle. I thought it was the Russians, but Xuane thinks the Polish won the battle and the Russians won the war. Anyway, the moral of the story is Europe is Poland's bully.
That's another thing that I've learned on this trip. Not all history is interesting. Pretending that it is doesn't make you smart, and it sure as hell doesn't make you fun. One of the great things about the U.S. is it's so young in comparison. I was never one to study a lot of U.S. history, but you better believe I'm going to start studying it. It's short and easy compared to this place. As a matter of fact, that's exactly why I haven't studied U.S. history, because I've been studying European history. When I was in Krakow I made the executive decision to go to the Castle Cathedral instead of the Saltmines (perhaps a huge mistake) and it was filled with the dead Kings of Poland. The tour guide was giving us a fatiguing rundown of the history, and she was summerizing it. I think the main things that I noted after that tour is the different styles of art (i.e. Renaissance, Baroque, Romanticism) and that the Kings were buried in an awesome tradition ( involving the removal of the heart). In the future, when you pick your tourist destination, make sure the history is something that you really are interested in because one hour tours will turn into a three hour tours faster than you can imagine. Furthermore, don't come to Europe to explore history just come to lose weight because your fat American ass is going to be walking around forever to get to these destinations.
The final note for this week is in regards to my personal favorite, Thanksgiving! Family and friends fear not that I will be alone on this holiday. I always take initiative, and this year I will be having my very own Thanksgiving dinner for myself, the other Americans, and any of the Erasmus students that want to participate. I'm going to have to be creative with space and food, but I'll take lots of pictures because I'm sure the outcome will be entertaining. Also, to my followers, you are awesome. Congratulations on proudly standing up and saying, "I read this blog." Most people think that true love is proven by marriage, but they are wrong. If you want to know if someone really loves you start a blog and see if they read it. Until next time, adieu.
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